just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Randomize
