It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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