I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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