Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
