I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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