no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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