and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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