The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
