I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
