she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
