if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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