she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
