CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
