I met the friendliest cop last night
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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