She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
