Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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