Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
