I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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