I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
