I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
