I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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