i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
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The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I want is dick and wine.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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