My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
