fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
