so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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