People in love make me want to vomit
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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