I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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