I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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