We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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