so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
