didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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