If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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