I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
