I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
