Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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