Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
