12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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