Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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