I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I supernannyed him into submission
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
