Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
