So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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