The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
