Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
