We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
