Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
