Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
