On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
look no pants
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again