Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now