Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.