Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.