i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty