Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?