Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella