I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me