69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?