you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
