Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
