if only i could text you this smell
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
