Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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