4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
