omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
