Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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