New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Congratulations! We have a period
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
