Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
