evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want nice things and good sex
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
