yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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