He kissed a someone with a penis
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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