She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
