I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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