There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
