i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
