after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Houston, we have a blender
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
