Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
