There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
