the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
