I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
