Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
