If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He passed out mid-signature
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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