I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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