It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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