i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
