mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it's like iHOP with fire
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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