So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Randomize
