honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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