My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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