It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
