My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
