I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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