So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
