your parents love me but you hate me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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