Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
