I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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