i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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