Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
