I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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