i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
